"Blue Max" (Digital painting) 2006Here it is, almost a month since I made an entry. After my last one, I started having a problem with my left eye: there was a really bloodshot area on the inside corner, which was staying irritated and uncomfortable. Since I'd been doing a lot of mowing in heavy dust, and attempting to clean up stray bits of insulation that were coming out of new ductwork in the house, it seemed logical that there was something in my eye. Two doctors said it was due to allergies, but it surely felt like there was something in my eye.
Labor Day rolled around, and my eye was still red. My friend Sharyn wanted me to go with her to Linens 'n Things to look at a Moses Basket (for her December baby). Since I had a gift certificate to use at PetCo, which is right next door, we went there first. The only items I had any use for on the list of "freebies" were a pound of gourmet dog biscuits (which I don't usually feed my dog because she swallows them whole) and a cheap toy (but we already have piles of those). But - there was also listed a free mini-aquarium. Sharyn was enthused about that one, since her family has fish and other critters all over the house, so she introduced me to the Betta fish. They looked like graceful little jewels; I couldn't resist. So I came home with Blue Max, a gorgeous little fellow with deep ultramarine scales and fins and a pair of burgundy appendages (pectorals?) in front. He was a joy to watch. The more I watched, the more artistically energized I became, so I got out the camera and started shooting. It was just what I'd been needing to get me going again. I got some great material to work with, even though he wasn't the easiest subject to capture. Then I shot a short video so I could pick out the best frames of him in "full fin."
By Saturday, however, little Max started slowing down. On Sunday he looked paler and wasn't moving much. He had only eaten once since I got him, so Sharyn gave me some different food to try, but he wasn't interested. On Monday night, he was hanging vertically, gulping air and then slowly sinking. I knew this was not good. Before I went to bed, I cupped my hand around the corner of the tank where he was resting and said what amounted to, "Goodbye, little fish, and thank you for all you've given me this week." Tuesday morning he was lying on the bottom of the tank. I buried him in the flower bed, next to a brilliant blue balloon flower.
I'm not sure why his death hit me so hard: maybe it was the loss of a being so exquisitely beautiful, or guilt that maybe something I'd done or not done had killed him, or maybe it was just a focal point for some things I hadn't dealt with, but my tears were flowing hot and fast.
By Tuesday night, my left eye was looking remarkably better, and in another day or two it was back to normal. That old saying about the Lord working in mysterious ways has new meaning for me: my eye was healed and my artistic vision renewed, thanks to God and his little miracle named Blue Max.
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